A little breathing room

There are a lot of trail guides out there, and many of them are awesome at providing lots of helpful information. Unfortunately I have never found a trail guide that caters to someone like me. Not only do I want to know about water sources, elevation changes, notable aspects of the hike, and other very useful things - but I want to know really

• How hard is this trail to someone who is not in the best shape?
• Are there helpful boulders to assist in climbs?
• Are there tight squeezes or small openings you must go through?
• If I don't go that last mile, am I missing out on something truly spectacular or just more of the same scenery?

I've never seen a trail guide like that, and I hope to fill (in a small way) that need. 

I'm not in great shape right now, though there have been times in my life when I was. I don't exercise regularly and I weigh over 300 pounds. I love hiking. It feels great to be out on a trail, surrounded by nature, breathing fresh air, and challenging myself. One of my challenges lately, and the reason for this blog, is that hiking is more difficult the heavier I am. It takes a lot more power and lung capacity to haul this 300+ pound body up a mountain or hill. It's been a learning process for me. I've recently returned from a week at Big Bend National Park here in Texas. It was amazing. Beautiful. Inspiring. And really really tough. Taking on the trails with my husband was rewarding, but made me think about all the information I wish I would have had beforehand. 

I'll be brutally honest and admit that a lot of the challenge has been emotional for me. It's hard to admit that some of the trails marked as 'easy' in the trailguide were actually too difficult for me to complete the entire trail. There are a number of trails I didn't finish completely because I became too tired or overwhelmed to continue to the end. I struggled with feeling guilty for holding my husband back and keeping him from hiking the more challenging trails with more dramatic vistas. I beat myself up for these and other reasons, and had to force myself to stop and be proud of myself for what I was able to accomplish. 

Luckily my husband is very supportive and only concerned with me having fun and enjoying myself. We had a great time and he was able to do more difficult trails while I entertained myself with other activities. He wasn't bothered at all by my physical condition - I had completely created that scenario in my head. And isn't that how life is sometimes? We decide for ourselves how other people feel and then create emotional drama based on our projected insecurities!

The trip was humbling, but also very empowering for me. It has been so satisfying to get to the end /top of a trail and see how far you've come. Even the trails where I turned back before the official end were bolstering to me. Knowing my limits and honoring my body have become easier and more natural. In hiking, as in the rest of my life, I push myself very hard and have set high expectations for my performance. This exercise is helping me ease off myself a bit and be ok with whatever I achieve. It's great to push yourself to accomplish bigger and better things, but knowing when to stop, slow, or just easy up is an amazing lesson I will hopefully implement in all areas of my life - not just hiking.